1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
