Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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