Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
