yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
