Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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