farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
