He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
