She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
