i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
