we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize