i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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