I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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