Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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