I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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