So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize