he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
