Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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