You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
