my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
