i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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