Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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