i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
