so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
