I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
