fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
