I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm jealous of your bromance
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
