No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
