Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
