I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
