Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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