you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
