goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
why is half of my head shaved?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
