So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
