I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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