Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
