yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
