Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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