I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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