you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mom said you looked used
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
