Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
