Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
