Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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