I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
