The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
two words...techno handjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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