I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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