The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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