I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just cropdusted the office
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
