ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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