i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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