why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
