Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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