He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
