Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
