I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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