I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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