You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please come you make the beer taste better
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
