she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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