guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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