By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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