drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
