Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize