planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
