We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
