Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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