Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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