he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Congratulations! We have a period
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